your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
