walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
