pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
