Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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