I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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