maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Green mimosas i think yes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
