Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
