The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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