You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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