I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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