Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize