haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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