i don't like sucking hair
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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