Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
two words: eviction party
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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