Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
