just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
