once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
