I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
True but thats because hes a fetus.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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