You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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