I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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