He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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