So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
