Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
