Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
is it fun? or sober?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
