my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
