so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
