bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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