im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
