im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
