I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You may now shotgun with the bride
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
