yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
