so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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