I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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