I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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