you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
