I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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