every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
