I bet he comes in French.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
