I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
