I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
