shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This is the high leading the old right now
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
