A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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