There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
