look no pants
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
