I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
