just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
