i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
