Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
