grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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