Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
