1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
