My balls are so social today.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
