How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
