people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
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