you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my being single is dangerous.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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