pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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