sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
