If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
