If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
