piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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