I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
