Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
