I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize