forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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