I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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