Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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