I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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