Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
