If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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